Beautiful Sunday


Dear  Diary,

Sunday afternoon…I’m sitting and relaxing… for a change. I can’t believe that I am saying that. Me… sitting and relaxing are not one team…

I am learning slowly how to do this and not feeling guilty.

Outside wet and wintery but I feel cosy and very sexy… May told me that too…I love him to bits. I’m going to repeat all over and all over again that he came around so well. I hope he never changes again…

I lost 10 pounds and finally I can wear my Joni leather effect jeans from Top Shop. I put on Bershka sweater top and lovely Penneys suede jacket. I wish I could put my heels but I got a massive blister on my big toe… sore, sore… very sore. Runners instead today. Heels will need to wait for few days.

I put very basic makeup as I have very problematic skin. About a month ago I finished skin treatment for sebaceous glands and boils. I had very oily skin since I had Jay. Hormones change my body a lot. For years I try many different tablets, antibiotics, and homeopathy but all of them fail.

Roaccutane was my last chance for smooth skin without spots. This medicine is very strong and very dangerous. I was under the control of Dermatologist and GP doctor for last nine months. I was warned that Roaccutane is a substance related to vitamin A and has many side effects but at that stage side effects didn’t make me scared. I want to get better. I want my lovely skin again. On my first visit, I was told that I have high possibility to develop depression or any other mental illness. I could get pain in joints and bones, dry lips, and body.  High cholesterol and liver problems but that still didn’t make me say…no, I don’t want this… the whole me said yesses… So I began my journey…

Firstly, I had to do pregnancy blood test. Secondly, I had to watch out on my diet for cholesterol and liver reasons. Once the test was negative I could start my first tablet. My first month I was absolutely fine… I was a little bit obsessed with my lips. I was worried that they will get very dry but they didn’t get dry until last month of my treatment. I was very concerned about my mental health as in my family mental health problems were issues before. I warn May and Jay to observe me and let me know if I changed. I was so aware of myself. I had few bad and sad days but I got over them. I had to be strong. I know that this is my last hope. I got very dry skin and rash on my hands as I use them the most… washing people hair and using products and colours. I easily got used to it.

Weeks later I start having problems with my muscles and bones but I wasn’t aware of that one. I thought that I over done with exercises. Dermatologist asks me every time about it but I didn’t complain as I said to her that could be from sports. I talk to one of my clients, her son was on Roaccutane too, he felt the same as me (in the morning I felt stiff like old person… now I know how my granny must have felt at her old age…poor thing…

I know that this was another side effect of medicine. I could stop taking medicine but no… I stayed determined. It was worth it. My face has no spots, blackheads… the only imperfection I’m struggling with at the moment is pigmentation. I have a hard time putting makeup as I look like I have freckles. Well… I’m waiting to see Dermatologist at the end of this month so hopefully, she will have some idea what I can do to improve it. At the minute I can’t experiment too much with my skin. Skin is still very sensitive. Later on, I might get laser therapy done. See what doctor suggest to me.

Reflect on all my experience… if someone would ask me “Would you do it again… would you take this treatment the second time?”

My answer would be Yesssss.

This medicine changed my life. I don’t suffer from spots and very sore boils. I wish someone told me about it a long time ago.

I would like to tell others, not to be worrying about having spots. This medicine has a long list of side effects but if the person who decides to take it gets aware of themselves they will succeed in feeling great, getting more confident and living normal and very happy life.

I feel just exactly like that.

Coming back to my day today…We went shopping. Very quick one…my foot was so sore even in runners.

Now I’m on my couch with my feet up. Dinner is done. May is asking to have a glass of wine but I’m not that mad about it. I don’t drink really… well, I might have a sip of it if we have rose wine. Looks like we going to have a romantic evening.

Love Kay ❤  xx

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